Dear Jean,

The other day, I was out in my car and I received a phone call from a long-winded jerk I never wanted to talk with in the first place.  My new admin had given him my phone number.  I can’t believe she gave this clown my cell!  Shouldn’t she automatically know not to give out my private numbers?

Reply:

It’s not her fault – it’s yours. Nope, she shouldn’t automatically know how you want your calls handled.  There is a likely chance that her previous boss had different preferences where the phone is concerned.  I suggest you have an informal meeting to discuss the procedures you prefer.  Explain exactly how you want her to respond to your callers.

While you are on the topic, it would be a good time to talk about other preferences, for instance, what kind of calls you consider important and how you want her to handle solicitation calls.  I have also found it extremely helpful to provide the names of my close friends and family members.

What I am suggesting is a “win-win” situation.  As a result of having this information, she will be more efficient in handling your callers, and you will not have to deal with this frustration again.

Dear Jean,

One of my co-workers always wants me to lie when certain people call her on the phone.  Is this right?  Should I continue to lie?

Reply:

You don’t have to lie for anyone, and if the “certain people” you spoke of in your question happen to be supervisors, you could be in serious trouble.  Before another day goes by, meet with her in private and explain your feelings.  Avoid judging her behavior.  Just say something such as, “When I mislead your callers, I feel uncomfortable, and I’m not willing to put myself in that position any longer.”  This will reduce your stress and make it clear to your co-worker that lying for her crosses your value system and you won’t continue to do it.

Dear Jean,

My boss was hospitalized recently.  Should I go visit?

Reply:

That depends.  I use the Platinum Rule in this situation.  “Do unto others as they want to be done unto.”  That means just because you would like visitors at your hospital bed does not mean your boss wants visitors.  Many people aren’t up to entertaining in their bedclothes.  Check with a family member and ask if your boss is receiving nonfamily visitors.  Usually, a steady stream of clever cards and get-well wishes is enough.  Flowers couldn’t hurt.

Dear Jean,

I have a problem with my boss.  I am coming in to work on time every day; I am working as hard as I can; I am trying to let him see that I take pride in my job, yet I feel that he is showing zero respect for me.  What should I do to get some of that respect?

Reply:

Does he treat everyone with disrespect, or is it just you?

If he treats only you this way, there is probably some miscommunication going on here.  His picture of what he wants you to do may not be your picture of what you’ve been doing.  Make an appointment to discuss your job with him.  Don’t tell him ahead of time what you want to speak to him about.  If he point-blank asks you, tell the truth.  Tell him that the subject you want to discuss is personal.

When you are in front of him, tell him that you would like to feel successful in your job and you don’t.  Ask him specifically what he wants you to do to please him and be of more value.

I must point out, however, that some bosses just aren’t the accepting type.  Some don’t give any strokes at all unless you mess up.  Another problem is that some bosses refuse to be specific.   If that is the case and you can’t deal with ambiguity, better take your skills elsewhere.

Dear Jean,

The guy in the office down the hall invites his wife and kids to the office several times a week.  Now my assistant has started to allow her kid to pop in after school once in awhile.  I don’t think spouses and children belong in a working office.  How should I handle this problem, or is it a problem?  Am I simply behind the times?

Reply:

Probably not.  I wonder how we would feel if our dentist allowed his/her children to hang out in the office during a sensitive procedure, or any procedure?  I know this example is a bit dramatic, but it makes the point, doesn’t it?

Because you have no control over the guy down the hall, your best bet is to ignore his wife and children.  Where your assistant is concerned, ask her to stop allowing her child to hang around in the office.  Do it in a straightforward manner.

Please avoid the urge to be self-righteous.  Explain that this behavior is not in her best interest.  It is up to you to set the tone for your own office.  Explain that in most offices, you can go up the ladder a lot faster with the more traditional approach when it comes to visitors.

Dear Jean,

I have a real problem in social gatherings.  I’m really outgoing until I get to a big party.  I seem to do better at small gatherings.  I’m extremely comfortable in a one-on-one situation.  Is there anything I can do to relieve this nervousness in groups?

Reply:

I feel the same way in groups of people I don’t know.  Once in awhile, I still end up in a corner talking to people I know rather than meeting new people.  A party at my own office is a breeze.  On my own territory, I know exactly what I want to gain from having the party.

The answer to your question lies in your reason for being at the party.  Be clear with yourself.  What is your goal? Are there people you want to meet?  Is this purely networking for business, or are you networking for social reasons as well?  Having a goal will help you walk into a room of mostly strangers.

My goal for a business party is usually quite simple – to make contact with two new people.  After I’ve reached my goal, it’s time to relax.  It’s important to me that the people I’ve met remember who I am and what I do, so when I return to my office, I send them a handwritten note with my business card.

Dear Jean,

I work in a small management consulting firm where there are six consultants.  Rarely are we ever in town at the same time, but when we are, we seem to gather in the break room early in the morning.  The topic is always politics.  My partners are moderate to conservative and I’m more liberal.  They seem to really have fun with this and I don’t.  Sometimes their opinions make me so angry I can’t work for the rest of the day.  What do I do?

Reply:

You might remind your five conservative colleagues that you are an “endangered species” and that they would do well to allow at least one weed to flourish and blossom in their formal little garden.

But what concerns me most is that a political discussion with colleagues upsets you to the point that you can’t work for the rest of the day. This level of anger borders on rage and not only is it seeping out at work it’s spilling over in other areas of your life.

Why don’t you get to the break room early and start the conversation about something business related?  If that doesn’t work and you’re not able to come to grips with your anger, leave.  If you chose to stay in the room – - respond — don’t react.

Rage is not an appropriate response to spirited conversation. Lighten up.  Anger clogs the pipes.

Coaching Tip:  In business and in life, it’s impossible to avoid teasing and aggressive behavior.  Whenever you are in a situation where there is aggravated conversation taking place, relax the muscles between your eyes and purposefully take a few deep breaths.  Your “open” face will make you look calmer and you will in fact, be calmer.

Dear Jean,

Do you have any tips for requesting a raise?  We found out through a survey that what we are paid is way below the average for our occupation.  As an individual, is there anything we can do?

Reply:

Am I right in assuming that your use of the word “we” really means “I”?  A raise is an individual issue.  Please leave the “we” out of any negotiation you may have with your boss.  If your work was done by you, then you are the person to earn the raise.  With the exception of cost-of-living raises, a raise is something you receive because of merit.  It is something you earn.  What have you done to earn a raise?  Write down your accomplishments and share them with your boss.  You and your boss may have totally different opinions of the word accomplishment.  This will be a great time to find out.  Grab a pen and a piece of paper and start your list.

One more thing:  Survey results can be very misleading.  Perhaps you should do some more research before you decide that you are underpaid based on one source.  Many of these surveys only apply in certain regions or to specific job types that may not be the same as yours even if the title is the same.

Dear Jean,

Several of my colleagues and I are attending a conference together with our boss.  The trip is paid for by the company.  Should we expect our boss to handle taxi, tips and so forth?

Reply:

You didn’t mention in your question whether you have an expense account.  If you do, you will pay, then submit the expenses for reimbursement.  If you’re not on an expense account, you should take some extra cash on your trip.  When your boss accompanies you in taxis, your boss will pay.  Otherwise, you pay all luggage, cabs, concierge, bell persons and waiters.

Since you’ll need to know what’s appropriate, check out what Google can provide.  Just type in “What should I tip for ____________.”  You’ll get tons of current information.

Dear Jean,

I find postcards easy to write, send and receive.  Another salesperson who works with me says I’m being rude to contact my clients with “cheap postcards.”  He uses a first-class letter.  Tell me, Jean, do you think I’m being rude?

Reply:

Gee, I hope not.  I still send postcards. With the decline of the written word and the acceleration of e-communication, I think a postcard is a very nice touch. It’s unusual these days and you’re more likely to be remembered by a post card or hand written note.

Unless a customer complains, keep up the good work!