Dear Jean,

At the end of an interview, people ask if I have any questions.  What kind of questions do they expect?

Reply:

This is a good opportunity for you to get to know your potential boss.  Ask her questions about herself.  Example:  Who was your favorite employee?  What are your biggest challenges for your team this year?  What does “good” look like in this position?  You will get a lot of information about her by the way she answers your questions.

You are on your best behavior in an interview and so is your potential employer.  Plan about three to five good questions.  See if she is patient in answering your questions.  You may get a hint of how she will deal with the process of training you.

Your goal in the interview is to get an offer. Only then can you evaluate if it’s the right position for you.

There are many ways to look for a job.  Networking, online posting sites, newspapers, temporary employment services, outplacement firms, private employment agencies, and state employment agencies are just a few.

In a tough job market, don’t stick with only one avenue.  Use every source you can think of.  The only exception would be if you are working and your search is confidential.  In this case, you will have to be careful not to answer blind ads in the paper, because your boss might have submitted them.  Some bosses are so sneaky; they will run an ad or post a job online that might appeal to you just to see if you are looking for a new job.  When your search is confidential, it is best to contact a reputable employment service; one that has been referred by people you trust.  Make sure the employment service knows your search is confidential.  Print “Confidential Resume of ….” at the top of your resume and also mention the confidentiality of your search in your cover letter.  If you live in Oklahoma, Jacobi Kelley Personnel has an office in OKC and in Tulsa.  Their website is www.jacobikelley.com.

If your search is not confidential, you can take advantage of every possible method of finding your new job.  Be sure to explore all your options.

Dear Jean,

The other day, I was out in my car and I received a phone call from a long-winded jerk I never wanted to talk with in the first place.  My new admin had given him my phone number.  I can’t believe she gave this clown my cell!  Shouldn’t she automatically know not to give out my private numbers?

Reply:

It’s not her fault – it’s yours. Nope, she shouldn’t automatically know how you want your calls handled.  There is a likely chance that her previous boss had different preferences where the phone is concerned.  I suggest you have an informal meeting to discuss the procedures you prefer.  Explain exactly how you want her to respond to your callers.

While you are on the topic, it would be a good time to talk about other preferences, for instance, what kind of calls you consider important and how you want her to handle solicitation calls.  I have also found it extremely helpful to provide the names of my close friends and family members.

What I am suggesting is a “win-win” situation.  As a result of having this information, she will be more efficient in handling your callers, and you will not have to deal with this frustration again.

Dear Jean,

One of my co-workers always wants me to lie when certain people call her on the phone.  Is this right?  Should I continue to lie?

Reply:

You don’t have to lie for anyone, and if the “certain people” you spoke of in your question happen to be supervisors, you could be in serious trouble.  Before another day goes by, meet with her in private and explain your feelings.  Avoid judging her behavior.  Just say something such as, “When I mislead your callers, I feel uncomfortable, and I’m not willing to put myself in that position any longer.”  This will reduce your stress and make it clear to your co-worker that lying for her crosses your value system and you won’t continue to do it.

Dear Jean,

My boss was hospitalized recently.  Should I go visit?

Reply:

That depends.  I use the Platinum Rule in this situation.  “Do unto others as they want to be done unto.”  That means just because you would like visitors at your hospital bed does not mean your boss wants visitors.  Many people aren’t up to entertaining in their bedclothes.  Check with a family member and ask if your boss is receiving nonfamily visitors.  Usually, a steady stream of clever cards and get-well wishes is enough.  Flowers couldn’t hurt.

Dear Jean,

I have a problem with my boss.  I am coming in to work on time every day; I am working as hard as I can; I am trying to let him see that I take pride in my job, yet I feel that he is showing zero respect for me.  What should I do to get some of that respect?

Reply:

Does he treat everyone with disrespect, or is it just you?

If he treats only you this way, there is probably some miscommunication going on here.  His picture of what he wants you to do may not be your picture of what you’ve been doing.  Make an appointment to discuss your job with him.  Don’t tell him ahead of time what you want to speak to him about.  If he point-blank asks you, tell the truth.  Tell him that the subject you want to discuss is personal.

When you are in front of him, tell him that you would like to feel successful in your job and you don’t.  Ask him specifically what he wants you to do to please him and be of more value.

I must point out, however, that some bosses just aren’t the accepting type.  Some don’t give any strokes at all unless you mess up.  Another problem is that some bosses refuse to be specific.   If that is the case and you can’t deal with ambiguity, better take your skills elsewhere.

Dear Jean,

The guy in the office down the hall invites his wife and kids to the office several times a week.  Now my assistant has started to allow her kid to pop in after school once in awhile.  I don’t think spouses and children belong in a working office.  How should I handle this problem, or is it a problem?  Am I simply behind the times?

Reply:

Probably not.  I wonder how we would feel if our dentist allowed his/her children to hang out in the office during a sensitive procedure, or any procedure?  I know this example is a bit dramatic, but it makes the point, doesn’t it?

Because you have no control over the guy down the hall, your best bet is to ignore his wife and children.  Where your assistant is concerned, ask her to stop allowing her child to hang around in the office.  Do it in a straightforward manner.

Please avoid the urge to be self-righteous.  Explain that this behavior is not in her best interest.  It is up to you to set the tone for your own office.  Explain that in most offices, you can go up the ladder a lot faster with the more traditional approach when it comes to visitors.

Dear Jean,

I have a real problem in social gatherings.  I’m really outgoing until I get to a big party.  I seem to do better at small gatherings.  I’m extremely comfortable in a one-on-one situation.  Is there anything I can do to relieve this nervousness in groups?

Reply:

I feel the same way in groups of people I don’t know.  Once in awhile, I still end up in a corner talking to people I know rather than meeting new people.  A party at my own office is a breeze.  On my own territory, I know exactly what I want to gain from having the party.

The answer to your question lies in your reason for being at the party.  Be clear with yourself.  What is your goal? Are there people you want to meet?  Is this purely networking for business, or are you networking for social reasons as well?  Having a goal will help you walk into a room of mostly strangers.

My goal for a business party is usually quite simple – to make contact with two new people.  After I’ve reached my goal, it’s time to relax.  It’s important to me that the people I’ve met remember who I am and what I do, so when I return to my office, I send them a handwritten note with my business card.

Dear Jean,

I work in a small management consulting firm where there are six consultants.  Rarely are we ever in town at the same time, but when we are, we seem to gather in the break room early in the morning.  The topic is always politics.  My partners are moderate to conservative and I’m more liberal.  They seem to really have fun with this and I don’t.  Sometimes their opinions make me so angry I can’t work for the rest of the day.  What do I do?

Reply:

You might remind your five conservative colleagues that you are an “endangered species” and that they would do well to allow at least one weed to flourish and blossom in their formal little garden.

But what concerns me most is that a political discussion with colleagues upsets you to the point that you can’t work for the rest of the day. This level of anger borders on rage and not only is it seeping out at work it’s spilling over in other areas of your life.

Why don’t you get to the break room early and start the conversation about something business related?  If that doesn’t work and you’re not able to come to grips with your anger, leave.  If you chose to stay in the room – - respond — don’t react.

Rage is not an appropriate response to spirited conversation. Lighten up.  Anger clogs the pipes.

Coaching Tip:  In business and in life, it’s impossible to avoid teasing and aggressive behavior.  Whenever you are in a situation where there is aggravated conversation taking place, relax the muscles between your eyes and purposefully take a few deep breaths.  Your “open” face will make you look calmer and you will in fact, be calmer.

Dear Jean,

Do you have any tips for requesting a raise?  We found out through a survey that what we are paid is way below the average for our occupation.  As an individual, is there anything we can do?

Reply:

Am I right in assuming that your use of the word “we” really means “I”?  A raise is an individual issue.  Please leave the “we” out of any negotiation you may have with your boss.  If your work was done by you, then you are the person to earn the raise.  With the exception of cost-of-living raises, a raise is something you receive because of merit.  It is something you earn.  What have you done to earn a raise?  Write down your accomplishments and share them with your boss.  You and your boss may have totally different opinions of the word accomplishment.  This will be a great time to find out.  Grab a pen and a piece of paper and start your list.

One more thing:  Survey results can be very misleading.  Perhaps you should do some more research before you decide that you are underpaid based on one source.  Many of these surveys only apply in certain regions or to specific job types that may not be the same as yours even if the title is the same.