Dear Jean,

I’m a lawyer and I work with a team of high-strung, deadline-oriented lawyers.  Occasionally, after a long, intense day, we go out together for a drink.  Most of them drink quite a bit.  I don’t drink at all, but I enjoy being with the group.  With holiday parties coming up, I need to know how to keep them from needling me to drink!

Reply:

Just say, “I don’t drink, thanks.”  The next time they needle you to drink, just say, “I don’t drink.”  The next time — repeat it again…..

If you look back over your career, chances are you can identify one or two people who stand out as memorable leaders. Even if these people didn’t hold an official leadership role, their actions and words rallied people together to achieve a common goal. And whether that goal was large or small, far reaching or contained, you remember these leaders for a long time.

While there are many great leaders in the world, not all of them are truly memorable—that is, they don’t leave an impression that lasts beyond their current accomplishment or focus. But being memorable is essential if you want long-term success. So what makes one leader memorable and puts another in the “out of sight, out of mind” category? It comes down to three key elements. Develop these characteristics in yourself and you, too, can be a memorable leader.

Know Who You Are

Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” While that’s a little harsh, it does make the point that everyone must examine their life. For what? To pinpoint your “moral compass”—your true values. Memorable leaders know their values, why those values are important, and how those values play out in life.

Realize that you can’t have one set of values in your work life and a different set in your personal life. You take your set of values with you everywhere, and a mess up in one area of life can easily affect another. For example, it was a seemingly personal value that distracted and somewhat derailed Bill Clinton’s career, not a business value, which shows that values are not compartmentalized. So if you don’t examine your life and know what you stand for, you can easily get sidetracked.

Getting to know yourself starts with honesty—with others and yourself. While most people have “cash register” honesty, meaning they’d never steal money from their employer, they aren’t always honest in other ways. Perhaps they tell the world they value one thing, yet display something else. For example, some people will tout the value of hard work and claim they work harder than anyone else. Yet when you really look at their work behaviors, you find that they’re spending most of the day on long conversations that have little to do with work or are surfing the Internet—things that don’t advance the company. That’s not personal honesty or personal awareness.

If you’re having trouble knowing who you are and what you stand for, ask a trusted colleague or family member to give you feedback. You can also opt to do a formal 360-degree feedback assessment, which enables others to give objective insight on how they view you.

Know Your Vision, Communicate It, and Live It

A Harvard Business School professor once said, “The only thing a CEO needs to do is communicate their vision, communicate their vision, and then communicate their vision.” Why is communicating the vision so important? Because if you don’t know where you’re going and tell others where you’re going, then you and everyone around you are going to lose the way. With all the things employees have going on in their lives, they’re distracted during some of the week, so it’s easy for them to get off track. Memorable leaders keep communicating the vision so everyone is always on the same page.

Living your vision and your company’s core values means everyone—those you report to and those who report to you—knows the vision as well. If you don’t understand your company’s vision or core values, have a conversation with your boss about them. Without vision and values, both companies and people lose their way—people are floundering, no one knows what they should be doing, and people hide their potential talent. Not a good situation for sure! For example, in a manufacturing company, getting the product out on time isn’t a core value and has nothing to do with the company’s vision. In order to have a healthy and synergistic team, people need to connect to something bigger than a goal of moving product. Vision and values make the difference.

Also realize that communicating a vision does not mean the leader needs to be talkative. Many memorable leaders are quiet and reserved, such as presidents Truman and Eisenhower. People follow memorable leaders because they exemplify their vision, not just tout it.

Be Teachable

Being open to learning new things and admitting your limitations and your struggles give you power; it’s not a weakness. Realize that people don’t want to think they’re following a robot. They want to know that whoever they’re following is real.

Memorable leaders teach other leaders and are interested in the development of people beneath them. That’s why you need to be in touch with your direct reports and learn their dreams, goals, and career aspirations. As the old quote says, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” So the “teachable” part goes in two directions: you have to be willing to learn for yourself and you have to be willing to teach others.

Finally, Peter Drucker, the father of modern management, once said, “Leaders are readers.” That means it’s important you know what’s going on in all industries, not just your own. Staying too focused on one viewpoint of issues makes you one-dimensional. Creativity comes from combining what you know with what other leaders know and then adapting it to your own industry in order to improve or innovate. That’s why “overview” publications like Harvard Business Review, Forbes, and Inc. are favorites of memorable leaders.

A Leader for the Ages

While few people are natural born leaders, you can learn to be a memorable leader and have people lining up, asking to work for you. All it takes is a commitment to lead others in a way that reflects your deepest held values, embraces your vision, and encourages lifelong learning. The more you commit to practicing and living these three keys, the more memorable you’ll be.

Dear Jean,

I am one of those people who might be called a workaholic.  I’m the type who gets to work early and stays late.  I love what I do.  No challenge is too great.  Occasionally, I’m rewarded for my “above and beyond the call of duty” work and receive dinner for two or symphony tickets.  Should I write a thank-you note for a thank-you gift?

Reply:

I’m so glad you asked that question.  I’m wondering when you last received a personal thank-you note.  How did you feel?  Great, I’ll bet.  Pass it on!  I strongly believe that everyone wants to feel important – the way you felt when your boss handed you the tickets.  Because thank-you notes are never in bad taste, I hope you’ll write them often!

In this high-tech society, the personal touch has sadly given way to e-mail, voice mail, express mail, and the more-than-ever-present telephone.  That’s really too bad, because there’s something deeply touching about a personal, handwritten thank-you note.  In many cases, they are more impressive than a gift.  Anyone can buy a gift.

Recently, I received a thank-you letter from a woman I had helped to find a job many years ago.  I want to stress the word helped because in fact, I did not find her the employment she desired.  I had not had any contact with her since that time.  She lives in Dallas and is in an excellent upper-management job.

In her letter, she thanked me for the personal interest I had in her and told me that my believing in her had made a difference in her life.  The letter blew me away.

When was the last time you received a handwritten thank-you note?  What did you do with it?  Did you save it?

I save all the thank-you notes and special cards I receive during the year.  I put them in a file folder and label the file by the year.  Whenever I feel gloomy or when I want to spend a rainy afternoon alone, I go through my old cards and letters.  I have long forgotten about most of the gifts I have received in the last few years, but I still have ALL the letters and cards.

When the mail comes to my office, I speedily run through all the items hoping to find a small envelope with handwriting on it.  I open those first.  The busier I perceive the senders to be, the more impressed I am to receive cards from them.

Thank-you notes are written for all kinds of reasons.  Brian Tracy, a popular public speaker and business consultant says, “You will double your income in one year if you will write 25 thank-yous a week.”  Can you find 25 things to be grateful for every week?

One of the best reasons I have heard for writing thank-yous and notes of congratulations is that it makes the other person feel important.  Who doesn’t like to feel important?  Another very good reason to take pen in hand is that it’s just nice manners.

People continuously ask me, “What should I thank people for?”  I say, “Everything!”

Dear Jean,

My boss is asking me to be “relief receptionist.”  My real job is administrative assistant.  Don’t you think he is being unfair to expect me to be a receptionist when our real receptionist goes out to lunch?

Reply:

I know other offices with similar situations.  They require that someone be at their front desk eight hours a day.  Although having to pull an administrative assistant away from her work may be uncomfortable, the commitment to your clients should out-weight any regrets.

There will always be things in our work life we don’t like and don’t want to do.  Try to keep a willing attitude about this and other office inconveniences.  I doubt if your boss regards this as punishment.  I hope you won’t either.

Dear Jean,

I have a question about trying to deal with people who try to stab you in the back at work.  It’s really hard to deal with back stabbers at work when I’m just trying to do my job.  These people were nice at first, and then I turned around and they were saying terrible things about me and sabotaging me.

Reply:

I hear this more than anything:  “What do I do about backstabbing and sabotage at work when I’m just trying to do my job?”  In her book Woman to Woman 2000, Dr. Judith Briles defines sabotage as “the erosion or destruction of your personal or professional credibility or reputation which can be administered intentionally or unintentionally through overt or covert methods.”  Briles also says that sabotage is not only common in the office, it is increasing at an alarming rate.  Often sabotage takes the form of backstabbing, and it can happen for a multitude of reasons.  The major reason is resentment.

The first thing to do is to find out if this person is out to get you because of a grudge.  Go to the person who is doing the back-stabbing and say, “Do you have a grudge against me?  Is it something I did?  Is there anything we can do to get onto equal ground?  I understand that you’re talking about me.  If there is anything I did to offend you, I need to know what it was, because I don’t want to offend you again.”

I know.  If it were this easy there would be a lot less hostility in the workplace.  But try it.  And then, try it again.  At least you’ll be keeping the channel of communication open.

Spam…email chain letters…obnoxious or off-color jokes…these are just a few things that annoy business professionals when it comes to daily email. While you’re likely not sending any of these things, what if your emails to people are just as annoying?

Unfortunately, many people are unknowingly irritating co-workers and clients with bad email etiquette and habits. Even worse, the offenders are tarnishing their reputations in the process, unaware that their emails reflect their personal and company brand, their image, and their credibility.

If you’ve ever wondered why people don’t take action on your emails or why this productivity tool seems to waste more of your time than it saves, you may be guilty of exhibiting a few email pet peeves. Following are the top five email pet peeves in the workplace. Avoid them so your email messages are most effective.

1. Having sensitive conversations via email.

Sensitive and emotionally charged conversations have no place in an email. If you need to fire someone, express disappointment, or apologize, do it face-to-face (most preferred) or via phone. When a topic has emotion behind it, the recipient naturally escalates that emotion when reading the email. Why? Because it’s virtually impossible to display emotion in an email (aside from some carefully placed emoticons, which not everyone appreciates), and humans by nature look for the worst in a message rather than the best. So your innocent question of “Why did you call Mr. Smith?” gets read as an accusatory question, as if you had asked, “Why on earth did you of all people call Mr. Smith and bother him?”

Adding fuel to the fire is the fact that many people write things in an email that they would never say in person. They view email as a way to have “safe” conflict without being face-to-face. So they may snap back at someone in a sarcastic way or slam someone professionally or personally. Some people even enjoy this type of conflict, as it gives them a charge. The bottom line is that if your message has any type of intense emotion behind it, don’t send the email. The matter is best addressed in a face-to-face meeting or phone call.

2. Using “reply all” versus “reply.”

Just because you were one of many recipients on a message does not mean everyone needs to hear your reply. For example, a supervisor may send a group message out to the entire department asking who will be present at the quarterly meeting. The only person who needs to see your response is the person who initiated the message, not the entire group. If the group contains 100 people and each one does a “reply all” saying, “I’ll be there,” you’ll have a very cluttered inbox and 100 annoyed people.

Therefore, really think about who needs to see the message before you reply. Obviously, if your company requires that you do a “reply all” for business emails, then by all means do so. Otherwise, use the “reply all” button judiciously. And remember that with a “reply all,” everyone, even someone who was in the BCC line, will see your comments. So you never really know who is getting your message.

3. Using poor grammar and spelling.

A typo every now and then is not a big deal. However, consistent bad grammar and spelling is obnoxious. Email is a form of written communication, so respect the written word. Additionally, this is business, and everything you do, say, and write is a reflection of your professionalism.

When people read your messages, they naturally and automatically make a judgment about you based on your writing. If your writing is poor, everything else about you is in question. After all, if you don’t care enough about your writing, what else don’t you care about? Your product? Your service? The reader? Remember that the written word stays out there forever, and no email message is ever really deleted permanently. Make sure your lasting impressions are good ones – even when you email.

4. Emailing complicated information.

If you have to give someone technical, detailed, or complicated information, do it with a phone call and an email as a backup rather than relying solely on the email communication. Email is best suited for short messages that don’t require a lengthy response. If your email is more than a couple of paragraphs, pick up the phone and talk to the recipient. Use the follow up email to send needed documentation or a recap of your verbal instructions, but don’t expect people to read and act upon a lengthy or complicated message.

Additionally, if you are the recipient of a detailed message and need time to work on the reply, send back a short acknowledgment message that states, “I received your message and am working on the needed items.” And if the reply requires real discussion, then pick up the phone and talk about it. Don’t rely on email for every topic.

5. Writing bad subject lines or not using subject lines.

Unless you’re doing email marketing and relying on your messages to sell people, use straightforward subject lines that reflect the true theme of the message. Leave the cute and clever wording to the marketers. For day-to-day business purposes, plain and direct work best. So rather than have a subject line that reads, “Want to pick your brain,” write, “Need your input on the Jones project.”

Realize, too, that many people use their email as a filing system, and they rely on the subject lines to find key information later. So if all your subject lines are vague (as in “A message from Tom Smith” or “Info you requested”), or if you don’t use subject lines, people won’t know what the message was about when they search their files later. So always write detailed subject lines, as in “Dates for Singapore conference” or “Files for Smith project.” And should the email’s subject change as the conversation ensues, then change the subject line to reflect the new theme.

Get Your Message Across

Email has certainly come a long way in the past couple decades. What was initially viewed as a novel way to share key information in the 1990s is now the preferred method of business communication. But remember, just because something is commonplace and expected doesn’t mean you can become lazy with it. Always use email properly and for the purposes and subjects it was intended. By doing so, not only will you avoid these pet peeves, but you’ll also gain productivity rewards as you enhance your professional reputation.

Dear Jean,

I’m a graphic artist for a large advertising firm.  The work I do requires a lot of communication with my peers.  Some days I have to consult with five or six people before starting my projects.  I’m occasionally in a co-worker’s office when he or she receives a phone call.  Should I automatically excuse myself?

Reply:

Not necessarily.  If the nature of the call sounds personal to you, you may want to go back to your own office.  If not, you may want to wait it out.  You can disengage and work on another project in your head.

Dear Jean,

I’m a Medical Technologist with a good work record.  I applied for a job at a local hospital.  On the second interview the company’s representative said, “You’ve got the job; we will call and tell you when we want you to start.”  She never called, so I called her, and she said, “We have other people we want to interview.”

Later that day I found that a previous co-worker of mine went to this interviewer and said something derogatory about me (and, yes, I’m sure this happened).  Is there any way for me to find out what was said about me?  What can I do?

Reply:

There is probably no way for you to find out exactly what was said.  The company is at fault as well as your co-worker.  It’s devastating to be told first that you have a job and then that they want to interview more people.  To tell a job applicant that he or she is hired and then rescind the offer is a display of shabby business tactics and you might want to consider if you want to work for them at all.

If you really want the job, pick up the phone and try to work this out.  The worst they can do is refuse your call.  What have you got to lose?

Dear Jean:

I have a personal pet peeve – speakerphones.  I can’t stand to listen to someone who is receiving my call on a speakerphone.  It usually cuts off most of the first word and some of the last word, and the echoes hurt my ears.  What is a tactful way to ask someone not to use the speakerphone with me?

Reply:

When I want to be tactful, I might say, “Will you please pick up the receiver?  I’m having trouble hearing you.”  When I am in an ornery mood, I might say, “Better pick up the receiver – I’m getting ready to say something you might consider confidential!”

Dear Jean,

I’m in line for a position that is not only a better job, it also pays more.  There is one problem.  I will have to do some traveling – too much, really.  Could I try to stipulate “no travel” when my boss offers me the new job?  How would you handle this, Jean?

Reply:

In most cases, there are legitimate reasons for specific requirements on job descriptions.  When travel is required, it is because the business to be conducted requires you to be in the city where the transaction will take place.  To request “no travel” on a position which requires travel is like requesting, “no keyboarding” on a position which requires computer savvy.