Dear Jean:

On my last performance appraisal, my boss told me I need to give recognition to my staff.  I’m not exactly sure what he meant.  I explained that my staff members know perfectly well when they are not up to par.  I don’t have the need or desire to get all mushy and give people standing ovations for doing their jobs correctly. That’s what they get paid to do.

My boss thinks differently, and I can tell you right now that frothy emotional displays are not for me.  How can I do what my boss wants and not compromise my values?

Reply:

If this is really important to your boss, my best advice is to explore a way that fits your values.  In the old yet classic, popular book, The One Minute Manager, we learn to “catch” people doing things right and praise them for it.

I’ll adapt this concept to fit your particular style:

Catch one of your employees doing something above and beyond the call of duty.  Describe the performance or behavior you are recognizing and be clear on why you are recognizing it.  Express your appreciation and then say thank you.  That’s all there is to it.

This will be hard for you at first.  Most likely you and your boss have a different idea about what constitutes “above and beyond the call of duty.”  Be sure to discuss this with him so both of you are in agreement as to which kinds of behaviors you want to recognize.

Remember – the performance that you praise is the performance that will be repeated.

Dear Jean –

A co-worker of mine has started texting me.  I don’t mind texting, but the problem is that it starts about 11:00 at night.  The other annoying part is that it’s about nothing important – just nonsense or conversations that can wait until the next day.  I haven’t been at this job a long time and I like this person.  She could be a good friend, so I don’t want to cause any problems.  What should I do?

Reply:

I agree it’s not good manners to text late into the night. A rule of thumb is, “Don’t text if you wouldn’t make a phone call at that same time.”  Well, as I see it, you have two options.  The first is to turn your phone off.  I can understand that you may not want to do this if you have kids or other family members who may need to reach you at odd hours.  Your second option is to have a friendly conversation about it, face-to-face.  Make it light-hearted, maybe even funny. Tell them you go to bed early so you can start your day when the chickens do – to exercise or have your quiet time.  I have a friend who has to go to bed earlier than her husband so his snoring doesn’t bother her. Many early birds go to bed at 10:00 and before.  I think if you make your point direct but light-hearted, your problem will be solved.

An ornery option would be to reply in gobbledygook like this: nominee ekes 58nf die 38db chq, every time you get a text after 10:00.  And tell her the next day that you were sleepy and replied the best you could.  And then say: “What was it you were wanting to know”?