Dear Jean,

One of my co-workers always wants me to lie when certain people call her on the phone.  Is this right?  Should I continue to lie?

Reply:

You don’t have to lie for anyone, and if the “certain people” you spoke of in your question happen to be supervisors, you could be in serious trouble.  Before another day goes by, meet with her in private and explain your feelings.  Avoid judging her behavior.  Just say something such as, “When I mislead your callers, I feel uncomfortable, and I’m not willing to put myself in that position any longer.”  This will reduce your stress and make it clear to your co-worker that lying for her crosses your value system and you won’t continue to do it.

Dear Jean,

What are the signs and symptoms when it’s time to move on to another position, or even another company?

Reply:

When you are not getting most of your needs met or when your personal boundaries are being violated.

I have been involved in the “find a job” strategies of more than 20,000 people.  People leave because they are not getting their needs met.  Well over half the time, the problem lies in the relationship between the employee and supervisor.  The comments I hear most are:  “We just don’t communicate,” “I can’t seem to please my boss,” or “The morale around there is the pits.”

Other reasons include:  no way to learn anything new, passed over for promotion more than once, troublemaker in the department, no challenge, new boss with radically different philosophy, too many hours of overtime, and frozen salary.  It is rare, though, for a person to leave because of salary alone.

A word of caution:  Occasionally, career problems are brought on by the person considering the change.  A rule of thumb is if you had the same or a similar problem in your last position, it could be you.  So before you take that “geographical cure,” make an honest appraisal of yourself.  Bounce it off someone who will tell you the truth, and see if there is anything you are doing to make your situation worse.  If so, change your behavior.  If not, update your resume.