Category: Blog

No Compromise on Religious Traditions

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Dear Jean,

Here comes another religious holiday (not my religion), and all the little kiddies will be hunting eggs at my boss’s ranch.  If I refuse to take my child to the big shindig, I’m a spoilsport.  If I take her, I’m a hypocrite.  Please help me, Jean.  If you can come up with some compromise, I’ll be eternally grateful.

Reply:

Based on the information you gave me, I don’t see any need for a compromise.  The party conflicts with your religious traditions, and that’s that!  You can explain that to your daughter in words she can understand.  Remind her of all the fun activities that coincide with her own traditions as a way to soften her charge that you’re a spoilsport.

I don’t see any reason that you should be embarrassed about not taking your child to the party.  Just send a nice handwritten note to your boss.  Something like this would work well:

Dear Boss,

Thank you for your kind invitation to the Easter egg hunt at your ranch.  Because the party conflicts with our family’s religious beliefs, we must decline.  We appreciate your generosity and thoughtfulness.

Sincerely,

Should I Invite Her?

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Dear Jean,

My administrative assistant is a Jehovah’s Witness.  I am told she is not allowed by her religion to celebrate holidays or birthdays.  Should I invite her to attend birthday parties of her co-workers?

Reply:

It is nice manners to give her the dignity of choice.  Mostly likely, she will graciously decline.  Because you don’t fully understand her religious loyalties, ask.  She will be delighted to tell you anything you want to know.  Please don’t assume.  You may end up not inviting her to a baby shower she really wanted to attend.

I learned about the traditions of Jehovah’s Witnesses firsthand from a most delightful person, a previous receptionist of mine.  It was I who almost didn’t have a baby shower for her.  Somehow I got the idea that Jehovah’s Witnesses just said “no” to parties of any kind.  Boy, was I wrong!  A good rule of thumb is, “When in doubt, ask.”  Halloween parties are a definite “no” and anniversaries are a definite “yes.”

Bad Breath Boss

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Dear Jean,

My boss has really bad breath.  When he speaks to me, I almost gag.  What can I do to let him know of his problem?  He is a very defensive person.

Reply:

I know only two options:  Get up your courage and tell him, or stay two arms’ lengths away.

I have a client who was the person with the bad breath.  His secretary kept a bunch of mints in her desk.  As he would be walking out of the office for a meeting, she would say, “Wait, here are a couple of mints.”  It wasn’t too long before he asked her if he had a breath problem.  She told him the truth, and he was thankful to hear it.  She probably saved him a couple of teeth too.  Her courage helped her boss detect early stages of gum disease.

Salary Advice?

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Don’t take salary advice from family members and well-meaning friends.

Never say to a potential employer, “My husband said I’m worth this much money,” or “My mother said I should be making this level of salary.” Truth be told, the people who are telling you what you should be paid don’t know the market. The bottom line is that you’re going to get paid what you’re worth in the current marketplace. Unless someone purposefully takes advantage of you (which is not common), then you’re going to get paid fairly.

The key is that you need to do some real research on what you’re worth. As you do so, take into account your education level, years of experience, industry, size company you’re interviewing with, and even your geographic location. After all, a job for a small company in Yulee, Florida will pay a lot less than that same job for large company in Manhattan.

You can find realistic salary information from local temporary services, job posting boards, and even websites like salary.com. Use the information you find out as a starting guide and adjust the figure up or down based on your specific circumstances.

Know What You Want

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If you don’t know what you want, how can you find it? The floundering that job seekers do in terms of not knowing what they really want to do in life takes them off on some time-consuming tangents. If you don’t know what you’re good at or what you want to do “when you grow up,” then get tested. Many state unemployment offices and colleges offer career testing so you can know what fields might be a good match for you.

If you’re one of those people who applies to any job you can find, you’re never really going to find what you want. Rather, you have to go with a clear cut goal of what you’re looking for. Think of it like digging for oil. If you know the oil is there and you dig five wells that are shallow, you’re probably not going to get to your goal no matter how many holes you dig. But if you take that same energy and dig one really deep well, then you’re going to hit black gold.

Fluttering around dilutes your energy. And energy management is so important when looking for a job because job hunting is depleting of your psychic and your physical energy, particularly if you have a family and you’re depending on that income.

Sympathy Card for a Pet

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Dear Jean,

My employer has been divorced for several years and up until last week, he had a German shepherd roommate named Pal. Pal died last Tuesday and my boss is devastated. My inclination is to send my boss a sympathy card. It seems like a really sappy thing to do, but I would be in mourning if something happened to my cat. If you were me, would you send a sympathy card?

Reply:

A pet sympathy card or a handwritten note would be fine. Many people are as attached to their pets as they are to their family members – in come cases, more so. If you are like me, this is a very difficult type of note to write.

It’s a nice gesture to write a few sentences as you would if you were sending a traditional sympathy card. Say something like this: “I was sorry to hear that Pal died. I know he was a good friend and an important part of your life. Just want you to know that I am thinking about you and your loss.” If you had any dealings with Pal, you saw him fetch a ball, etc., you might want to tell about it in a sentence or two.

Your note may be the only acknowledge of loss he receives. I’ll bet he will admire you for your gesture.

Forget Time Management…Are You Managing Your Energy?

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Phrases like “manage your time” and “do more with less” have become the buzzwords for this decade. The idea is that if you can manage your time well, you’ll be more productive in all areas of life. The only flaw in this thinking is that time is finite. In other words, you can manage time all you want and continually push yourself to get more done. But all this managing and pushing tires your brain, drains your spirit, and disengages your soul. That’s when mistakes occur and burnout ensues. The key, then, is not to simply manage your time, but also to manage your energy.

Unlike time, energy is restorable. And when you manage your energy well, you’ll have more energy for your priorities, whether they are personal or professional in nature. If you don’t manage your energy, you can’t manage your time. Sure, you can think about all the things you need to do and you can schedule them, but if you don’t have the energy to do the tasks, you won’t be able to accomplish them appropriately.

Realize, too, that managing your energy goes beyond work/life balance. While many people talk about work/life balance (devoting ample time to all areas of your life), few address those things that make life rich and fun. With so many things competing for your attention daily, you need to give attention to energy replenishment so you can devote the time your life’s priorities demand. This is why it’s important to manage your energy before you manage your time.

The Three Pillars of Energy Management

Keeping your energy in check means giving attention to your brain, your spirit, and your soul. Think of it like a three-legged stool. For the stool to be useful, you need all three legs. Remove one leg from the equation, and the stool topples over and is useless. The same is true for your energy. Therefore, to keep your energy replenished, implement the following suggestions into your daily life.

  • Stimulate Your Brain

The human brain likes control and certainty, and it’s very good at predicting the next thing that is likely to happen based on the information it has. That’s why you often feel better when you perceive you have control over a situation and feel stressed if you think you have no control over events. Additionally, the brain is programmed to fear. This is a good thing, though, because the inborn fear is what has allowed our species to evolve. The only drawback to this natural fear is that the brain will take three pieces of information and make a story out of it—usually a negative one. This negative story becomes your reality until you get another piece of data. Talk about an energy drain on your brain!

In order to replenish your brain’s energy, do the following:

  • Since your brain is part of your body, it needs to be fed the right food for optimum health. Eat three nutritious meals a day, exercise to increase the oxygen flow to your brain, and drink plenty of water to keep hydrated.
  • Reconstruct your stories. You have to purposefully stop the story and seek out the missing pieces of information. For example, if you get an email from your boss telling you not to take part in a task you volunteered for, with no explanation why, you would likely think your boss doesn’t believe you’re capable of the task. In reality, your boss may need you for another task, he or she may think the task is not challenging enough for you, or your boss may simply not need any assistance on the task any longer. But you’ll never know (and never stop the negative story) until you ask.
  • Analyze what helps and hurts your thinking ability. For instance, do 200 emails staring at you first thing in the morning make you exhausted before you even start the day? If so, then don’t do that task first thing. Do the most important things when you’re alert and at your best, as those tasks will actually energize you so you can handle the stressful tasks later.
  • Give yourself two hours a day for focused attention on a key project—the earlier in the day the better. No multi-tasking during this time! Whether you are a night or a morning person, the fact is that your brain is rested after your sleep, so this is the key time for focused attention and productivity.
  • Awaken Your Spirit

The human spirit yearns to soar. The spirit enjoys lofty goals and challenging tasks to accomplish. How spirited someone is often relates to how purposeful he or she is. In fact, it’s common that when people lose their purpose in life, they feel deflated and even depressed. Hence the phrase: “Her spirit was broken.”

An energized spirit is what catapults you out of the mundane and into a new and exciting endeavor. In order to replenish your spirit’s energy, do the following:

  • Do one thing every day that makes your spirit soar. Whether it’s reading poetry or listening to music, if you feel your spirit is fed by that, do it.
  • Think about what you want to do in your life. Dream big! Give planned time to your future in order to nurture your spirit.
  • Read things that stretch your mind. Your spirit wants to reach for the next best thing. Unleash the power of your spirit by exposing your mind to new things—even things that you feel are impossible to accomplish right now.
  • Take time each day to think and concentrate. Many people are in knowledge-oriented jobs and need some degree of quiet time. So even though a particular task must get done, that task often requires planning and thinking. Your spirit can’t gain energy to tackle big goals unless it has some quiet time to prepare. So let people know that you require quiet thinking time, and actually put this time in your schedule. If others know your needs and intentions, they will respect them.
  • Feed Your Soul

The human soul likes the familiar, the deep, and the poignant. The soul likes ritual, doing the same thing at the same time every day. It also enjoys the simple things in life, beauty, and nature. The soul is what connects you to life and to what is deeply meaningful to you.

In order to replenish your soul’s energy, do the following:

  • Clarify your intentions and plan what you want your tomorrow to be like before you go to bed. This allows your subconscious to work on your challenges and big decisions while you sleep.
  • Take time for enchantment. Linger through a museum. Enjoy preparing a simple elegant meal. Go outside regularly and really look at nature. Your soul loves beauty and wants a connection with the earth.
  • Experience the present fully. Focus on the things around you—the colors and textures. Be mindful of your current surroundings and activities rather than always trying to multi-task. Really engage in life in the moment. Feel yourself breathe.
  • Build rituals for yourself and your family. Even something as simple as eating dinner at the same time every day is a ritual. Both your soul and your brain crave ritual and gain energy from it.

Energize!

By focusing on these three areas of your life—your brain, your spirit, and your soul—you’ll gain the much needed energy to tackle life with enthusiasm and zest. With your energy fully replenished, time will no longer be an issue. You’ll feel ready to handle anything that comes your way with ease…and you’ll do it much faster. So make it a habit to stimulate your brain, awaken your spirit, and feed your soul. It’s one investment in yourself you can’t afford not to make.

No Travel, Please

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Dear Jean,

I’m in line for a position that is not only a better job, it also pays more.  There is one problem.  I will have to do some traveling – too much, really.  Could I try to stipulate “no travel” when my boss offers me the new job?  How would you handle this, Jean?

Reply:

In most cases, there are legitimate reasons for specific requirements on job descriptions.  When travel is required, it is because the business to be conducted requires you to be in the city where the transaction will take place.  To request “no travel” on a position which requires travel is like requesting, “no keyboarding” on a position which requires computer savvy.

Looking For a Job

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There are many ways to look for a job.  Networking, online posting sites, newspapers, temporary employment services, outplacement firms, private employment agencies, and state employment agencies are just a few.

In a tough job market, don’t stick with only one avenue.  Use every source you can think of.  The only exception would be if you are working and your search is confidential.  In this case, you will have to be careful not to answer blind ads in the paper, because your boss might have submitted them.  Some bosses are so sneaky; they will run an ad or post a job online that might appeal to you just to see if you are looking for a new job.  When your search is confidential, it is best to contact a reputable employment service; one that has been referred by people you trust.  Make sure the employment service knows your search is confidential.  Print “Confidential Resume of ….” at the top of your resume and also mention the confidentiality of your search in your cover letter.  If you live in Oklahoma, Jacobi Kelley Personnel has an office in OKC and in Tulsa.  Their website is www.jacobikelley.com.

If your search is not confidential, you can take advantage of every possible method of finding your new job.  Be sure to explore all your options.

Explosive Co-Worker

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Dear Jean,

I have a co-worker who got really mad and just exploded when something that happened in the office really upset her.  I really don’t know how to deal with her anger.  Any suggestions?

Reply:

The only thing you can do is go about business as usual.  There are plenty of people in the workplace who are just like your co-worker.  This won’t be the last time you are subjected to this type of behavior.  Yelling in the office is just plain rude, and in some cases it borders on verbal abuse.

People who are allowed to repeatedly blow off steam in an angry manner are creating a hostile environment and should be fired, but many times they are not.  Where does that leave you?  That leaves you with cold reality.  For your sanity, you must learn to let her outbursts roll off your back.  If you are not able to do that, you will have to start packing your bags.  Her behavior is not something you can control.